did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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