Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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