Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
