I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
