i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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