great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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