Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't want my vagina anymore.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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