Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
