If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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