my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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