Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
