Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
