Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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