i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
