I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
