i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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