No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
