Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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