You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
