First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
