My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
