i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
