During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Best friends brother. Beat that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
