My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
