you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
