i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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