Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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