The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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