I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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