Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
