i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
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Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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