i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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