Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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