Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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