After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
