This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
