I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
