Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
