love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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