I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
