i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
