you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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