We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
