It's like God shit irony all over that family
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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