She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
