Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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