And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
