We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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