he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
