Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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