Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
