is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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