Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
