Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize