Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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