Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
