Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
