I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize