So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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