I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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